The Pains of marrying the wrong person is worse than your present fear
of not getting married. Marriage is not a competition. Take your time, fall in
love, nurse your ambitions, groom your relationship, because forever is too
long to be unhappy. Always remember that it is better to wait long than to
marry the wrong person.
Yesterday (May 10, 2020), I stumbled on a wedding picture on WhatsApp.
The Bride was crying on the shoulders of the groom, trust me, it wasn’t tears
of joy. On the picture rested the words I quoted above- I was captivated by the
truth hidden in those words. I have decided to write down few things I have
said to some youths at different times.
I love marriages, I love people getting married, I love the funfair, the
music, the loud laughs- both real and fake, the hugs, the aso-ebi and of course,
the food. Sadly, all these are not so important. The only important thing on your
wedding day is whether you and your spouse truly understand what you are doing?
My Dear Youths! Marriage is not by force! Don’t kill yourself! Let me
state some facts. Marriage is not an achievement! So, there is no need for
competition! Marriage is not a degree or an award given to the best students
who have successfully completed some training. Don’t get it wrong, marriage is
one of the most beautiful things in the universe but it is not an achievement.
The moment you say I do to the wrong person, your life deteriorates! Your
wretchedness will begin and it will persist to your death. Who is a wrong
person? A wrong person is a wrong person!
We live in a world where pressures compel us more than reasoning. We
live in a society where external forces coerce us to do what the inner voice rejects.
We live in a society where fear, gossip, imitation and appearance blind us from
truth, reason, common sense, wisdom and reality. The pains of marrying the
wrong person is worse than the present fear of mockery, age and gossip. Have
you asked yourself when their gossips will end? Even if you die from domestic
violence in a marriage, people will still gossip and blame you. So, don’t start
what you can’t continue.
In life, marriage is a bus-stop. If you like, be an accomplished doctor,
a prolific lawyer, a successful tycoon, a vibrant pastor, whatever you are,
everything ends at home- in your marriage. After a long, beautiful, engaging,
stressful and successful day at work, you close from your office or wherever and
you have no home to return to…. How sad will it be? You will neither have
someone to share the stories of your day with nor your burdens. No one to make
you laugh, to ease your stress, to comfort, console, appraise and applaud you
for your success... why work then?
Marriage has become an embarrassment in our time. Nevertheless, such
embarrassment does not deny the truth that marriage is a beautiful thing! Don’t
allow the horrible stories you see and hear every day deter you or dampen your
spirit. Yes! Many people are suffering in their marriages. Their homes have
become a lifelong prison. Instead of enjoying it, many are enduring it. Plenty
punches here and there, many name-calling, suspicion, distrust, steady
cheating, stinginess and wickedness mixed together, perpetual anger, envy,
jealousy and all of those things.
Truly, the lifelong union between two peoples has its ups and downs. But
when you marry your best friend- your ups and downs will be minimal. DON’T
MARRY A STRANGER! Marry your friend! Many marriages these days are between
strangers, that is why they don’t last. Who is a stranger? A man or woman you do
not know. Many of you in relationships now don’t even know your partners! It is
all a circle of liars, a relationship of thieves! Who is your friend? Your
friend is the person you know so well; someone who is open to you, who is ready
to be known, you know what he/she likes, you know his/her deepest feelings, you
know his/her connections, you know his/her strengths and weaknesses. A friend
is someone you know from his/her depths and he/she is not ashamed that you know
so much about him/her. A stranger is always hiding; he has passwords for all
his phones, his computer, his door, his car, his bank accounts, his mouth and
his heart… there is password for everything and you don’t know it.
No sane person jumps into marriage. You should not even jump at it. You
must begin from the scratch, don’t jump any ladder, gradually grow friendship
and then it becomes marriage. The scratch is friendship. Don’t begin a
relationship without friendship, it will end it tears!
Please use your brain in any friendship or relationship. Love doesn’t
blind you, stupidity does. Any one who pretends as a friend to exploit you cannot
love you. Anyone who uses you for gains cannot marry you. Anyone who doesn’t
want you to grow because of his/her myopic views and shattered ideas about life
cannot be your spouse- you will remain stunted forever.
Anyone who is not happy that you are happy is a witch/wizard- such
person cannot be your lover because you will stay unhappy forever. Anyone who
does not think about your growth and advancement (in your career or vocation)
in life is not your friend- he/she has no foresight- you will die in integral
poverty. If you and your supposed friend do not always have a melting point-
walk away or else your roof will soon catch fire. If your supposed friend is
threatened by your achievements and successes, run away else you will die
suddenly. If your supposed friend ever raises his/her hands on you to beat you…
if you remain there! Then I don’t know what to say to you. You are not yet married,
you are already a punching bag, when you eventually get married, you would have
successfully enrolled into the school for wrestling…if you don’t win, your lover
will win you. I think I should stop here!
We have many battered homes already, tell yourself, I will not make this
mistake! Commit this special journey into the hands of God always. Say, “my
marriage will not be a slaughter house, it shall be a blessing and we will make
the world a beautiful place.” It is better to wait long than marry wrongly.
God bless you.
